Daughter misses emergency texts from mom during friend's "No Phones" dinner, she refuses to attend again without access to her phone just in case but host doubles down: "I'm not putting myself in that situation again"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 29, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

It isn't very often that adults find their phone usage restricted by authority figures. The last time I was asked to keep my phone away was in high school; we even had to put it in a box on the teacher's desk in a handful of classes. In college, most professors didn't explicitly ban phones from their classrooms, and they certainly weren't swiping anyone's personal possessions. We were simply warned to pay attention and to keep phone usage at a minimum out of respect; this has sort of been the M.O. going into my adult life.

However, there are some people that never quite got a hang of disconnecting from their phone during social situations. They'll scroll through Instagram while a friend relays an anecdote about their dating life or start circling back to unanswered texts in the middle of a first date. That's why some people have gone back to their high school class room rules and started hosting "No Phones" dinners. But what happens when there's actually a really good reason to be on your phone?

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to go to my friend's "no-phones dinner" after what happened last time?

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  • 02
    My friend hosts these "no-phones dinners" once a month. It's her thing, everyone drops their phone in a basket
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    and just vibes. I respect it, even if I find it a bit much. I've gone to a few and it was fine.
    via u/TaraTooMuch
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  • 05
    The problem is, the last time I went, my sister had an emergency and couldn't reach me for hours. She was dealing with a situation involving our mom who was
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  • 06
    taken to the hospital. She had no one else to call. I didn't see any of it until the dinner was over - 3 hours later. I left feeling like crop.
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    Now this month, my friend invited me again. I said I'd come but I was keeping my phone on me in case something
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    happened. She got weirdly defensive, saying it "defeated the purpose" and that everyone needed to be fully present or not come at all.
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  • 10
    So I said okay, I won't come. Now she's mad and calling me inflexible, saying it's just one night and I'm being dramatic. But I'm not putting myself in that situation again. AITA for skipping it over this?
    via u/TaraTooMuch

  • Her friend is certainly allowed to host parties with super draconian rules when it comes to phone usage; our protagonist is also allowed to decline the invitation without any backlash! Especially given past experiences. 

  • 11
    bookishmama_76 NTA - how about everyone putting their phones on DND? The numbers listed for emergencies will be able to get through
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  • 12
    justme7256 That's what I was thinking. DND also is overridden when there are a certain number of calls from the same number.
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  • 13
    NaryaGenesis You have to turn on that feature. If you put a number in the "exception" list, it'll ring the first time they call.
    via u/NaryaGenesis
  • 14
    Gold_Head7582 This sh always bugs me. Folks are not children that need to be managed. You should simply say the purpose is to be fully present please don't use your
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    phone. You all should be adults enough to leave it in your pocket. And then when someone keeps calling you can say excuse me let me make sure there isn't an emergency and look. You know, like a grown adult
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  • 16
    Specialist-Ant-4796 Also, is this not how adults are handling social situations? Usually when I'm with my friends I'm not on my phone.
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  • 18
    JuliaX1984 In the old days, people could still reach each other in emergencies. You would call the theater, restaurant, etc. someone was at and ask them to find X, it's an
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  • 19
    emergency. These dinners need to be held at a place with a landline or at least a designated phone number that can be given to family to reach you if it's a real emergency like happened to you.
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  • 20
    livinglifesmall Yes, the host should give their number for emergencies
    via u/livinglifesmall

  • People weren't completely and constantly disconnected in the past! They could still reach each other. 

  • 21
    dare978devil Just tell the host to provide an emergency number that everyone can give out as required. Emergencies only. That's what we used to do before cellphones.
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  • 22
    utazdevl Friend has every right to set the rules for her dinner, but you have every right to say "I can't oblige those rules, so I cannot attend." if you were a vegetarian and she
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    was serving meat would she oblige you to attend and eat bacon? Would you be called "inflexible" for politely passing on the invitation?
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  • 24
    stve688 NTA you had no problem complying with this in the past You've experienced a bad situation that happened because of this and I think you're doing the right thing if they're not going to be flexible about it well I'm not participating.
    via u/stve688
  • 25
    ZealousidealRice8461 NTA and I would never go to one of these. I have a teenage daughter, I will always be available to her 24/7.
    via u/ZealousidealRice8461
  • 26
    NotTodayPsycho That's why I have Apple Watch. I'm a teachers aid and can't have my phone on me but can see on my watch if my kids schools are trying to ring me for any reason
    via u/NotTodayPsycho
  • 27
    Potential-Rabbit8818 No is one of the most beautiful words there is. I love it and use it often.
    via u/Potential-Rabbit8818
  • 28
    Evening Ad8135 NTA- Is this no phones rule about "vlbEz" or control? Just let people keep their phones on them in case of emergency.
    via u/Evening_Ad8135
  • 29
    DanaMarie75038 NTA. You're not kids. You shouldn't be policed for having your phone. Don't go. Don't force her to have the phone; just don't go.
    via u/DanaMarie75038

Tags

friendship relationship advice emergency mother adulting friends phone relationships dinner adulthood entitled daughter entitled people
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